Kneeling For Love: Abuja Residents Differ Over Marriage Proposals

A man kneels, opens a ring box, and asks a woman to marry him. She covers her mouth, bursts into tears and stretches out her hand. Her friends scream, cameras capture the moment, and within minutes, the video is online, attracting thousands of views and congratulatory comments.

For some couples, it is the perfect proposal. For others, it raises a question that has divided opinions in Nigeria: why should a man kneel before a woman to ask for her hand in marriage?

The disagreement goes beyond the knee touching the ground. It touches on what men are expected to represent in a relationship, how women want to be loved and whether a romantic gesture can threaten a man’s dignity.

When veteran Nollywood actor Sir Pete Edochie described men who knelt to propose as “idiots” and “bloody fools”, he brought these questions into sharp focus.

The actor argued that the practice reflected Western influence and suggested that a man who knelt was symbolically surrendering his position as head of the family.

His comments, which went viral in February 2020, drew support from Nigerians who saw the gesture as a departure from traditional values. Others argued that kneeling was simply a way to express love and had little to do with who would lead a marriage.

Years later, the debate persists, fuelled by proposals shared on social media, where rings, flowers, elaborate decorations and public declarations have become familiar features of romantic celebrations.

But away from the cameras and carefully planned surprises, what matters to the people involved? Does a man lose something by kneeling, or has a simple expression of affection become entangled in a larger argument about power?

NewsNGR spoke with Abuja residents who have different views on the practice. Their responses reveal a disagreement not only about tradition, but also about what a proposal should mean.

For 58-year-old Emeka Nwosu, a trader in Nyanya, Abuja, the question begins with the examples set by previous generations.

Nwosu believes a man can express his intention to marry a woman without kneeling before her. He points to the marriages of older generations as evidence that the gesture is not necessary for a relationship to succeed.

Nwosu continued, “I don’t understand when kneeling became the evidence that a man loves a woman.

“My father never knelt to propose to my mother. Many of our fathers did not do it, yet they married, raised children and took responsibility for their families. What exactly are we trying to prove with the knee?”

For him, the seriousness of a man’s intentions should matter more than the physical gesture accompanying his proposal.

“If I tell a woman that I want to marry her, I should be able to look her in the face and say it confidently. I can buy her a ring, take her out and make the occasion memorable. But I will not kneel simply because people have decided that every proposal must look like a foreign film.”

His position echoes Edochie’s argument about cultural influence, although Nwosu’s emphasis is on personal conviction rather than condemning every man who chooses to kneel.

He questions why a practice associated with Western romantic culture should become an expectation for Nigerian men, particularly when their own family histories offer different examples of courtship and marriage.

Nwosu also draws on his own experience to challenge the notion that a kneeling proposal is necessary for a successful marriage.

“I never knelt to propose to my wife and we are over two decades in marriage. If he loves the woman, why should kneeling be a problem?”

Yet the belief that a man must stand to preserve his dignity is far from universal among Abuja residents.

At 26, Susan Ejembe, a young professional living in Gwarinpa, sees little reason to interpret kneeling as a surrender of authority.

“I think people are making this more complicated than it is,” Ejembe said, adding that, “If a man kneels to propose, it does not mean he has surrendered his life to me. It means he has chosen a way to express his love. Why should that be a problem?”

For Ejembe, relationships already require both partners to make compromises and sacrifices. She questions why a gesture that lasts a few seconds should be treated as a threat to a man’s position in the family.

“If I relocate because of my husband’s job, does that mean I have surrendered my destiny to him? If I support him when he has no money, does that mean I am now his servant? We make sacrifices because we love people. Why must a man kneeling suddenly become a question of who is superior?”

Her argument challenges the assumption that women who appreciate kneeling proposals necessarily want to dominate their partners. She sees the gesture as romantic rather than political.

“The proposal is one moment. Marriage is a lifetime. If a man is responsible, respectful and confident, I don’t see how kneeling for a few seconds will destroy his authority.”

Ejembe also cautions against allowing online trends to dictate what couples should do.

”I will not import everything i see on social media” Ejembe noted.

Her position presents a contrast to Nwosu’s. While he questions the adoption of a practice he considers foreign, she believes that a gesture should be judged by what it means to the couple rather than by assumptions about its cultural origins.

For her, a man should be free to kneel if he wants to, just as another should be free to propose without doing so.

For 34-year-old Tanko Yinusa, a commercial driver living in Kubwa, Abuja, the argument is not primarily about masculinity. It is about the growing pressure to make romantic relationships look impressive.

Yinusa believes social media has changed expectations around proposals, turning what could be a private conversation into an elaborate production.

“Today, people are no longer satisfied with simply asking a woman to marry them. You need a ring, flowers, a hotel, music, cameras and sometimes an audience. If you don’t do all these things, somebody will say you are not serious.

“Now we have added kneeling to the list. What happens if a man cannot afford all these things? Does it mean he cannot marry? A serious man should be judged by what he can do for his family, not by how well he performs a proposal” he said.

Yinusa would rather keep a proposal simple and direct the money towards preparing for married life.